I woke to a beautiful, bright July Saturday morning and as usual went down to have the breakfast in the kitchen with my Mam and the auld fella.
“Did he tell ya that he has to go down to the Garda Station”
“No, why?” she said looking at me half interested.
This was an excellent time to gauge what she really thought of me.
“Guess,” I replied, “maybe it’s for murder or drugs or being a pimp. You have so many options, maybe even fraud or racketeering.”
“I don’t know.”
Then I explained to her that the Gardai were having an open day and I was heading down as it might help with the novel I’m writing.
“Oh,” she replied somewhat disappointed.
Half an hour later, I was down at the station with the Da. In truth it was not what I expected ; I expected to see big, brawny, ugly Gardai, who would put the fear of God into me. But they looked like ordinary people, except in uniform. Some of the female ones looked quite pretty. There was a carnival atmosphere, with lots of kids running around and their helicopter being the star attraction. I just don’t how this was going to deter the kids from criminality, they looked way too happy.
I went over to have a gawk at the helicopter, always good to do a bit of reconnaissance. It was impressive but they’d never get me and the wheelchair into it, I can now sleep that bit more soundly at night.
They had a riot stall where they seemed to be trying to teach the kids about where to hit them, when they were in full body armour. It was nice to see them giving the future hooligans a bit of an education.
Then it was on to the drugs stall where I have to say they were so helpful. Since college, I’ve lost touch with the drugs world. But they had each of the drugs there and what they were called, it was just a pity I didn’t bring my gun with me and I would have been minted.
So, I learned that if I want to become a drug dealer I need to learn about this thing called “bitcoin”, which you can use to buy the drugs on something called the dark web, wherever that is. They even told me that there’s not much fentanyl or crystal meth in Ireland, so there is huge growth potential.
You also need a good mix, as seemingly you need both uppers and downers.
They said they would need legal advice about whether a warrant would be required to search a wheelchair for drugs. I was explaining to them that wheelchairs have improved so much, it would be a great way to transport them.
My Da then asked useful questions about the heat required for the hash. Fair dues, he always was a bread and butter man.
The only thing that was missing from the open day was a pimp and whore section. I’m sure they could give out lots of advice about that too. Maybe I’ll write in to them with the suggestion..
Till next time.
Mark's Writing Corner 