I love going to interviews but have failed to get the expected promotions. I trundle into the room for the latest one. There are three interviewers, one man and two women. They are well dressed and I reckon they are in their sixties.
There is a long desk. I drive into the middle, they are on the other side.
Male Interviewer: Welcome Mark (M), my name is Seamus (S). I will be asking you about your CV and your past accomplishments. To my left is Yvonne who will ask you about achieving results and performance through people. Finally, Siobhan (S) will ask you questions about Communication and about managing people. I will now start the interview
S: So Mark, I see that you went to College. Can you tell me a bit about that and what you learned?
M: It was great craic altogether. I learned all about hardcore drinking. My friend Timmy thought me all about drugs and then there were the women..
S: I mean from a work perspective, what did you learn?
M: Feck all really. You know, I just wanted to hang out for a while. There was something I learned. I knew you’d ask this you see. I’m a clever boy. What was it? Oh yeah reading. Talk about boring. I mostly just looked at the pictures.
S: Right, I’ll continue on I guess. What is your achievement you are most proud of?
M: When I drank twelve vodkas in one day.
S: Why are you here? Do you really want this job?
M: Well my holidays were cancelled and sure I said, I may as well. A few extra euro ya know.
S: Ok Mark, thanks for that. I’ll now pass you over to Yvonne.
Y: Mark, can you tell us how would you resolve conflict?
M: By ramming them in my wheelchair.
Y: Oh dear. What do you do when your Manager asks you to do something you disagree with?
M: Ignore him. He can get tetchy when told to feck off.
Y. Right em can you tell me about a time you delivered results?
M: Not really, I don’t like exams.
Y. That’s it for me from now. I’ll pass you over to Siobhan.
S. Tell me what your role would be if you got this job?
M: To order people about. I like that sort of thing.
S: What would you do if you received a customer complaint?
M: Oh, I hate customers. Tell someone else to do deal with it. That’s what management is all about ain’t it?
S: What would you do if one of your subordinates wasn’t pulling their weight in the team?
M: Tell them to cop on. I’m not going to do it for them.
S: Ok Mark, I think that’s enough questions for now. Is there anything you’d like to ask?
M: When do I start?
S: The HR Department will be in contact with you shortly to let you know the outcome.
Well readers, what do you think? Will I get it?
Mark's Writing Corner 