When I grow up I want to be rich and famous. My Mum would state that a man in his forties is grown up, but I tell her that kind of thinking is so last century. That I am still the future. A blank canvas that still has to be painted on. The world is my oyster. Like, I’ll probably live to be two hundred or something. At this point, she rolls her eyes and tell me that yes, I am correct and not at all insane like my brother says.
But I digress, what would the ideal job be to achieve these aims? Some would say an astronaut or maybe a professional sports player. Not sure if I’d make a great soccer player though. But they would be wrong. You want to be a cult leader! Preferably one that you start yourself. Joining someone else’s cult is a truly terrible idea. Lots of mediation without the zen.
No, being the cult leader is where I want to be. That’s where the cash, sex and power is. The drawback of course is the hours of talking nonsense I’d have to do. Ah, I might just about manage it.
You are probably wondering by this stage where I got such great inspiration from. From Sky Documentaries of course! Honestly, the things I learn from just watching watching tv. It was a documentary about a cult called Nxivm. Like you, I thought who would put an “x” after an “n”, but then I noticed how it shows up internet searches. It has no competition. Very clever.
The documentary was supposed to be about what an evil cult it was, which was true I guess. But I thought it was a brilliant “how to brainwash people” tutorial. It’s all about breaking people down psychologically so that they can be easily influenced. Great stuff altogether. I was nearly in tears by the end of it. It did have a sad ending though – the cult leader went to jail. I reckon I could do better.
So, have I told you all about how great I am and how I can lead you to “enlightenment”, to be the best person you can be??
Ever wonder why you don’t get that job/girl/house?
Don’t worry you can trust me, like I have a website and everything. What could possibly go wrong?
Mark's Writing Corner 